Dad Jokes

dadjokesDad Jokes often feature silly puns and word play that are so bad they either make you laugh or cringe.

They are best delivered by goofy guys wearing dark socks and sandals.


Here are a few of our favorite groaners:

Evidently there’s a new type of broom out that is so popular, it’s sweeping the nation.

Slept like a log last night … woke up in the fireplace.

I’m reading a book on the history of glue – can’t put it down. – now that’s a site for sore eyes.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

What is the quickest way to double your money?  Fold it in half!

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?  A nervous wreck.

What did the buffalo daddy say to his boy when he left for college?  Bison

I used to tell what I thought was a very funny pizza joke.  But everyone said it was too cheesy.

Plateaus are the highest form of flattery.  Or would it be mesas?

Last time I was at the circus I saw a clown hold the door open for the bearded lady.  Seemed like a nice jester.

How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?… 1 or 2? 1… or 2?

I took the shell off my racing snail to make him go faster. Now he’s sluggish

I decided to sell my Vacuum Cleaner. It was just collecting dust

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

Cannibals really hate clowns. They say they taste funny.

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like banana.

Pampered cows produce spoiled milk.

Most melons have big weddings because they cantaloupe.

Two guys walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

 Why does a flamingo lift up one leg? Because if it lifted up both legs it would fall over!

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “do you know how to drive this thing?”

Something wonderful happened to the blind carpenter. He picked up his hammer and saw!

I’m reading this book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

You know what was a real ground-breaking invention? The shovel

How can you identify a dogwood tree?  By its bark!

Why do elm trees seem suspicious on sunny days? Cuz, they’re just a bit shady.

Wanna here a new one about construction? Never mind, I’m still working on it.

You heard the rumor going around about butter? Actually, I really shouldn’t spread it.

What do you call a fake noodle?   An Impasta

Did you hear about the guy who was deathly afraid of speed bumps?  He’s slowly getting over it

Can you believe that someone was stealing from the garden club?  Oh yeah they caught her green thumbed.

Why didn’t the dinosaur cross the road?  It was extinct.

“I used to have a job at a calendar factory but they were really strict. I got laid off just for taking a couple of days off.”

“I had a dream that I was a muffler last night. I woke up exhausted!”

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food is great, but there’s just no atmosphere.

I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.

Did you see where the hardware store is having a special sale on dead batteries?  They’re all free of charge.

Last night my wife and I watched three movies back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

Why was the big cat disqualified from the race? Because it was a cheetah.

I once was hired to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.

I tried working in a donut shop, but I soon got tired of the hole business.

I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.

I was hired as a pilot, but tended to wing it, and I didn’t have the right altitude.

I studied to become a doctor, but I didn’t have enough patients for the job.

I became a Velcro salesman, but I couldn’t stick with it.

I tried my hand at a career in tennis, but it wasn’t my racket. I was too high strung.

I worked as a personal trainer in a gym, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.

I tried being a fireman, but I suffered burnout.

My last job was in a shoe factory, but I just didn’t fit in. They thought I was a loafer, and I got the boot.


The Bump 9/16/15

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Stories and blogs about fathers, fatherhood, and all kinds of other dadstuff.

This weeks links are involve videos:

First a dad performs a song for his baby daughter about the places her dreams might take her Ivy’s Song

Then, one darling little one keeps dad laughing so Dad Won’t Trim Her Nails

Next, one girl sets her dad straight about her true royal identity: “I am not a princess and you are not a king.”

Lastly, the folks at Nickelodeon Australia use a parody PSA to show the potential harm in all those DAD JOKES.

Gotta admit, that last one stung a little.

The Bump 9/9/15

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Stories and blogs about fathers, fatherhood, and all kinds of other dadstuff.

Becoming a dad seemed to promote creativity in these 6 Who Hit Their Stride After Becoming Fathers.

Check out these Father-Son Comic Strips that will make you smile and nod in agreement.

Maryland dads create a Pocket Guardian App to help detect cyberbullying and more.

Spoiler Alert: Things change when you become a father. Here are 6 of the most surprising.

The Bump 9/2/15

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Stories and blogs about fathers, fatherhood, and all kinds of other dadstuff.

We start off with the story of a hero…not a dad this time but his son: Boy Keeps Father Alive After Struck By Boulder

This father and son duo make music that’s out of this world: Star Wars Oven Music

Photos of this dad’s plight inspire giving: Single Refugee Dad’s Life Changed

It figures: Healthy Kids Better At Math

Dad creates inspirational stories of characters who use Disabilities as Superpowers

The Bump 8/26/15

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Stories and blogs about fathers, fatherhood, and all kinds of other dadstuff.

Can changing diapers lead to more happiness in the bedroom? Dads Who Share in Childcare Enjoy Better Sex Life

Postpartum Depression isn’t just for moms anymore. New Dads Depression Often Ignored

Ludacris “raps” about fatherhood. Fast & Furious Star’s Favorite Role

Matt Damon loves being a dad. Star Gushes About Fatherhood

Dad inspires daughter to chop off hair. Girl Donates Hair To Honor Dad’s Memory

The Bump 8/19/15

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Stories and blogs about fathers, fatherhood, and all kinds of other dadstuff.

This week’s Bump is all about back to school:

One dad recounts the extreme measures he went to ensure his child had a spot in an elite school by Camping Outside For 16 Days

This ingenious dad helped his son and other kids by Creating An App To Help Kids Focus

Have your children struggled to adjust to the new year? Here’s advice on What To Do If Your Kids Don’t Like Their Teacher

The transition back to school after the summer break takes some adjustment. Consider these Back-To-School Health Tips

And for those who like to make lists, Dads Round Table shares 5 Back-To-School Parent Tips

The Bump – 8/5/15

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Stories and blogs about fathers, fatherhood, and all kinds of other dadstuff.

This week’s stories all deal with tragedy in different ways:

Blogger shares personal letters written by dying dad: When I’m Gone

Giant tackle uses dad’s murder as inspiration: Nightmare of Murdered Dad Fuels NFL Dreams

Crocodile Hunter’s daughter talks of the aftermath of losing her father: Steve Irwin’s Daughter Turns 18

Beau Biden reportedly encouraged dad to run for president before death: Joe Biden To Run for Son?

The Bump – 7/29/15

TEfistpumpAM DAD’s Weekly Bump


Stories and blogs about fathers, fatherhood, and all kinds of other dadstuff.


The Piano Man embraces “Dad Rock” label: Billy Joel calls his music Dad Rock

A Utah father’s desire to teach his young sons to grow into men of character is the inspiration behind the: Gentlemen Project

Omar Epps helps dads debunk the myths of deadbeat dads in new documentary: Daddy Don’t Go

Dad in Milwaukee went to prison for a crime he didn’t commit to protect his son:        Dad Took Blame for Fatal Hit-and-Run

Younger dads parent differently than previous generations: Millenial Dads Challenge Traditional Gender Roles

About A Disco

Father and daughter dancing together at the Daddy-Daughter Disco on July 18, 2015 in Morristown, TN

Father and daughter dancing together at the Daddy-Daughter Disco on July 18, 2015 in Morristown, TN

You can learn a lot on a dance floor.

Or maybe it would be more correct to say you can take some things you learn on a dance floor and apply them to life.

Recently, TEAM DAD co-hosted a Daddy-Daughter Disco with Girls Inc. of Morristown. The event was a nice opportunity for men and their girls to spend some quality time with each other. And of course – Boogie Down!

As the dance approached, we found a video online that demonstrated the secret to looking cool while disco dancing and linked to it on our Facebook page. Check out the video here: Sweet Dance Moves Video

Ryan Kasprzak, the dance instructor on the video, said there are three secrets:

1) Knees 2) Head 3) Attitude

It seems that those three tips can also help dads in raising daughters:

  • Bounce Those Knees – Lucas stressed the importance of bending your knees on the dance floor to the beat of the music. Being flexible, poised and ready is certainly the correct posture when relating to your girls. Just as the tempo of music changes from song to song, and a good dancer adjusts accordingly, dads should be prepared to adjust to the needs of our daughters as they grow and mature. At the same time, we should be instilling the same sense of preparedness in our girls so they are indeed ready for anything.
  • Bob that Head – Keeping the head moving was the second tip from our dance instructor. This allows you to see what’s going on. You can easily take in your partner, the other dancers as they move around you, and be in a position to notice obstacles or the edge of the dance floor. Likewise, as a parent, it’s important to be aware of the conditions surrounding your daughter. Teach her to be alert too – not just for the dangers of life, but also attuned to the beauty and joy in her midst.
  • Bold Attitude – The final piece of advice given to become the king of the disco is  displaying the proper attitude. If your attitude is one of confidence it will often transform the rest of you into a self-assured dancer. Your attitude is just as important in parenting. Your daughter doesn’t need you to be “cool” as much as she needs your encouragement and seeks your approval. Attitudes are also contagious on and off the dance floor. Your positive approach to life and a “can do” spirit may very well rub off on her.

There you have it, three tips to looking cool on the dance floor and raising our girls off it. So what are you waiting for? The music’s starting and life awaits…